Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
is it fun? or sober?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
