somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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