Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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