I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
