So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
