We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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