Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
