what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
