Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
