All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
