He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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