I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
