hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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