I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
