You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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