Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
