if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
