I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
