I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
