I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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