Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
