so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
how drunk are you?
Several
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
