Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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