And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
