After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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