fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
bring money and cleavage
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
