remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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