No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
