Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You're a waste of cheezeits
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
