woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My bed smells like the plague
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