Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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