how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
