I look better un-naked...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
