I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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