how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
