You're earring is so big in my mouth
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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