we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
