Well douche your snatch and let's go!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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