Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
