3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it was like his penis was on wheels.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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