if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
