I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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