haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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