And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
