tonight lets celebrate not being married
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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