I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
