Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We are all done wearing pants today
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
