Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
