The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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