It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
