haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
