I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
