He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
