i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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