Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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